The White Album: The Best and Worst Album of All Time

I'm generally not one to rank works of art against each other, but if I had to rank Beatles albums, I would probably put The Beatles -- conveniently known as The White Album -- somewhere in the middle. It contains a great amount of what made The Beatles the best rock and roll band in history, but it also has a lot of nonsense.

In this post, I will try to prove that within The White Album is both the best and worst Beatles albums recorded. With a roughly 90-minute playing time, it could easily be made into two, even three full-length albums. So, for the purposes of this experiment, I shall choose the best 35 minutes (average album length), as well as the worst 35 minutes of the album.

The Best:

1. Back in the U.S.S.R.
2. While My Guitar Gently Weeps
3. Happiness is a Warm Gun
4. Martha My Dear
5. I'm So Tired
6. Blackbird
7. I Will
8. Julia
9. Birthday
10. Sexy Sadie
11. Helter Skelter
12. Long, Long, Long

If The Beatles had released just these 12 songs, they would have made, in my opinion, the finest album of their career. There is some of the best songwriting from Lennon and McCartney here, with "Sexy Sadie" and "I Will" being their respective standouts. With "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" and "Long, Long, Long", George Harrison makes his case for the Best Songwriter in The Beatles title. I feel this collection of songs, unlike the actual release, features a much healthier mix of the aforementioned ballads and rockers like "Back in the U.S.S.R." and "Helter Skelter." In my opinion, this would-be album would have surpassed Revolver, Sgt. Pepper's, and Abbey Road in terms of quality.

The Worst:

1. Glass Onion
2. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da
3. Wild Honey Pie
4. Don't Pass Me By
5. Why Don't We Do It in the Road
6. Yer Blues
7. Mother Nature's Son
8. Revolution 1
9. Honey Pie
10. Revolution 9
11. Good Night

This collection of songs is just about as bad as The Beatles can get. First of all, you have "Wild Honey Pie" and "Revolution 9" -- a pair of anti-songs that make you want to tear your ears off. Lennon and McCartney hit new lows here with duds like "Yer Blues" and "Why Don't We Do It in the Road". And Ringo's first attempt at songwriting, "Don't Pass Me By", is one that should have been locked away and never spoken of again. If The Beatles released these 11 songs as an album, they would likely have to go into hiding.

There you go. You may disagree with me on my song selection, but hopefully you can agree that the album has by far the largest range in quality of any album the band recorded. I still love it, as I do every Beatles album, but it's not an easy one to listen to in one sitting.

Children of Men: The Casablanca of the 21st Century

I watched Casablanca this past weekend, and then Children of Men a few days later. I didn't think anything of this pair of movies at first, but today something occurred to me: the latter is essentially a futuristic remake of the former. (And it is, in my opinion, just as good.)

Both Rick of Casablanca and Theo of Children of Men are devoured by cynicism. One a businessman and the other a bureaucrat, they're equally disinterested in the politics of the world, despite the ever-looming presence of fascism that surrounds them. However, it is revealed in both movies that these characters weren't always so apathetic. Rick ran guns into Ethiopia and helped fight the fascists in Spain before resigning himself to political agnosticism. Theo was a dedicated activist who once spiked a police officer's coffee with ketamine before shedding his ideals in pursuit of economic gain. Though they admit to having done such politically-motivated things, they submit that they were done with ulterior motives. Rick claims to have been in it for the money, while Theo simply wanted to "get laid."

Eventually we find out the sources of Rick's and Theo's cynical feelings. They both stem from a personal tragedy--Rick was heartbroken by Ilsa, and Theo lost his son to disease. Their inabilities to reconcile these tragedies render them emotionally detached from people and politics--and by no coincidence, lead them to drink heavily.

But as the movies progress, each protagonist is given an opportunity to use his power and influence for a just cause. Rick acquires two sought-after letters of transit, which he can either use for his own selfish purposes, or donate to Victor Laszlo, a leader of the underground anti-Nazi movement, whose escape to America is crucial for his work to continue. Theo similarly aquires letters of transit, which, if he chose the more noble path, he could use to bring Key, a pregnant immigrant in an immigrant-hating country, to the sanctuary of the Human Project.

Thus, the major conflicts of the two films are the same; Rick and Theo must confront their cynicism, their selfishness, and their feelings about the past, so as to successfully aid a cause greater than any of their own problems. While as in many remakes, the plot is largely restructured, the central themes remain the same. And in the end, both "heroes" earn that title, making a major sacrifice for what they finally know is right. Rick sacrifices a ticket out of Casablanca with the woman he loves, and Theo sacrifices his life.

Well, there you have it. There are some less striking, but nonetheless interesting similarities between the characters of Louie and Jasper as well. Louie is utterly neutral while Jasper clearly has a political stance, but they both exhibit an ability to be friendly with both sides, as evidenced by Jasper's friendship with the "fascist pig," Syd. They're also the comic relief in they're respective movies. So take out of this what you will, and if that's nothing, oh well.